BLUEBALLS PHO REAL

So you all may have noticed that I took a break from brogging. I know a few of you have written tearful e-mails to me begging for an update & been pissed when I asked you to read "He's Just Not That Into You" so consider today's post my penance. Also, not to encourage your borderline psycho stalking behavior of the grandeur that is my e-diary and what surely characterizes your love life, but all the electronics in my life are infested with the viral STDs that are transmitted when you surf the net bareback on an old Dell affectionately named "Collossus." Be wise and use protection, guys (I hear McAfee is the Trojan of the interwebs).

I digress. The past 39ish days have been bleak, save for a shining weekend in my city by the Bay, due to my own self-inflicted torture method that is giving up fried foods & refined sugar for Lent. As a non-Catholic & person of questionable moral and spiritual character, one may ask: "why the fuck would you put yourself through such pain and your loins through such inactivity?" My reasoning defies rhyme, reason, and most laws of physics. I am a masochist in the worst way.

Anyway it has been a rollercoaster ride of emotion, full of being denounced by my friends for being a sellout, and dismissed of my credibility in the fat boy world. I promised all my fans/haytaz that I would more than make up for my lack of sugar & frieds consumption - and here are some of the San Franciscan gems I am going to put in my muffintop tomorrow, the items that my dick misses throbbing for and will have in my mouf once again.

Quickly boba milk tea (preferably with mango jelly stars). Yeah, I'm pretty fresh off the boat and like having balls in my mouth, wanna fight about it?


Passionfruit macaroon from La Boulange, then maybe topped off with hosing Miette's buttercream in my mouf. I am like the Frank the Tank of frosting.


Can you say HURTIN' FOR A SQUIRTIN'? HANDS DOWN the thing I missed most. I love wangs of all shapes/sizes/seasonings (that's what she said). I'll be hanging around San Tung sexual predatoring a plate of these delicate, sweet and salty hen limbs.

ALL HAIL EASTER SUNDAY. Update to follow tomorrow if my body doesn't go into shock from being overloaded with the substances with which it used to thrive upon.